a light-fixtureful of flies
by callmesandy
Summary: Dawson died when he was 12, so now Pacey and Joey are best friends. And they can't ever not be friends because Joey has no idea what she'd do without Pacey. (P/Jo)


Notes: not mine, no profit garnered. Title and opening quote from Justin Runge's Witness. For trope bingo spots: first time/last time, unrequited love/pining, unexpected friendship. Thanks A for beta help!

* * *

 _You can panic real well,_  
 _reach for water and drink._

 _You are a turntable skipping_  
 _on half a funk horn stab,_

 _a light-fixtureful of flies_  
 _chiming. You want a sandwich,_

 _a chance to catch your breath._

Pacey was Joey's best friend by default and by default, Joey meant death. When they were all 12 years old, some drunk tourist smashed his car into the Leery's car and Pacey and Joey lost their best friend. They didn't lose him, of course. He wasn't misplaced. He was dead. For Joey, it was very nearly the last straw. Her mother had died. Her father was in jail. Her best friend died.

But only very nearly. At the funeral, with Mitch still in the hospital, they buried Gail and Dawson and Joey stared straight ahead, blank and numb. But Pacey walked over and sat down next to her, he was so short then, the same height as Joey and maybe even what some would describe as tubby. He looked miserable and his face was blotchy from crying. He held her hand. He said to Joey, "This sucks."

So now Pacey was Joey's best friend. She didn't row up the creek to the Leery's house; Mitch had sold the house and moved anywhere else which was somewhere on the west coast. Sometimes Joey wondered if he remarried, maybe he had another kid. Would there be anything of Dawson in that kid? Too young for her, anyway.

She and Pacey were an odd pair, though Joey really appreciated that he kept getting taller at about the same rate she did. It was only when they were 15 that his eyes weren't at her eye level. "This doesn't mean I look up to you," Joey said.

"Except, you literally do look up to me," Pacey said.

"Not if I kick you in the shins and you're writhing in pain in front of me," Joey said.

"Ah, the familiar threats of casual violence, I'm so glad you can't outgrow those," Pacey said.

They were impenetrable paired losers in middle school. Even though they knew literally everyone, they hung out with each other. It wasn't even really about Dawson anymore, it was just like they were stuck.

"This needs to change this year," Pacey said. They were sitting in their booth at the Icehouse, the one farthest away from the kitchen. He gestured at the space between the two of them. "We should make friends. I'm not saying spend less time with each other, I'm saying we need more people to interact with."

"Well, they need to not be losers, at least not more than we are. They need to not think we've been having sex for the past two years. They need to provide decent conversation. Oops, turns out there's no one," Joey said.

"People have no respect for platonic friendship," Pacey said. "Girls and boys can be friends without having vaginal intercourse all the time."

Joey smirked. Pacey was always so careful in his phrasing. They had done a lot of sexual things, but not that. It was inevitable, Joey reasoned. They went swimming a lot. No one invited them to parties with kissing games. If Capeside had had more to do, then they wouldn't have gotten bored and furtively made out so much. At least Pacey was mildly attractive.

"Maybe someone will finally move to town," Joey said.

"You speak as if that's actually happened," Pacey said. "Do tell."

"Mrs. Ryan's granddaughter moved from New York City."

"Is she pretty?"

"Apparently," Joey said. "Bessie said her skirt was too short."

"I like her already," Pacey said. His face went briefly serious, a look on him she hated. He said, "Is that okay?"

"You sprouting wood at the mere mention of a short skirt? I don't know if it's okay, but it's pretty normal in your psychosexual maturity," Joey said. "Pacey, contrary to what everyone we know believes, we aren't dating. No monogamy here. If you end with your hand up her skirt, I will be okay. Just make sure to wash and clean behind your ears if you're still allowed to hang out with me. I don't want any New York City cooties."

"I've known of this woman's existence for a total of three minutes and she's already banned me from seeing you? Why would I date a girl like that?"

Joey said quietly, "She might actually let you put your penis in her vagina?"

Pacey looked around and then back at the plate in front of him. "You let me put it your mouth." His knee bumped hers under the table.

"I'm a Capeside slut," Joey said, also looking at the table. "She might be a New York City slut, they move faster." They'd only been doing that, moving from kissing and groping to hands and then mouths for a little while. Since Joey turned 15. "Not that everyone, including my sister, doesn't think we've been doing even more since we were 13."

"Well, we haven't," Pacey said. "You're not a slut, either." He reached into his backpack and pulled out a few paperbacks. "Are you still on your murder mystery kick? I liked these."

She smiled and grabbed them. "You know it." Pacey got farther out of town than Joey did, thanks to his helpful brother. Deputy Doug went out of town once a week and dumped Pacey at the used book store. Pacey was on more of a science fiction kick lately, but he carefully tracked Joey's preferences. She guessed he used about half the hush money Doug gave him buying her books.

"I assume you bought porn," she said.

She knew Pacey's smile was his fake one, she'd hurt his feelings, but she was mad at him. Even if he bought her books. They didn't talk about the things they did, she felt strongly about this. They were just best friends. Weird symbiotic best friends. He was the one who started the conversation saying they needed more friends.

He made a joke, they ate and drank soda until Bessie told Pacey he had to go.

"Maybe now that you're starting high school, you could try spending time with a wider variety of people," Bessie said.

"Maybe a wider variety of people don't want to spend time with me," Joey said.

"Maybe they would if you didn't spend so much time with him," Bessie said.

"But I'm intent on getting knocked up and Pacey's such a willing candidate," Joey said.

Bessie glared at her. Last week, Bessie had nearly slapped her for a similar remark. Joey felt bad about it, she always felt bad afterward and now Bessie was pregnant herself and actually, Joey loved Bodie and she wanted him and Bessie to be happy. But she was a lousy sister and a lousy friend.

She snuck out at midnight and went to the park. Pacey was sitting on the bench, their place. She sat down next to him. "Sorry," Joey said. "I really am sorry."

"You spend a lot of time apologizing, Potter. Maybe you should do less of that and more not doing things that you have to apologize for," he said. He took her hand anyway.

They did this every year before school started, at least for the last two years. So not really every year. She said, "Is this really a tradition after only a few times?"

"It's a tradition if we do it next year," Pacey said. "I agree, it's not quite established. But you came."

"I really want to make a dirty joke right now," Joey said.

"You know me so well," Pacey said.

"I don't mind if you make more friends, or we do," Joey said. "But our relationship is special to me, it's important to me. I know it's kind of fucked up with the whole not having sex but doing everything but and whatever, you're important to me. If you end up dating someone, you should totally do that, but I still want to be your best friend."

"Okay," Pacey said. "I feel the same. Exactly the same."

"Are you just saying that so you don't have to say all that?"

"I will never deny my inherent slackerness," Pacey said.

!

"Jen seems nice," Joey said. She pulled her tank top up, squeezing her breast. She pushed Pacey's head down with her other hand. He mumbled something and she spread her legs wider. Pacey really did have a mouth on him, she thought. A wonderful wonderful mouth with a great tongue and awesome hands and these amazing fingers. He also took his time which was nice. Really nice. She glanced over at her bedroom door, confirming it was locked for the hundredth time. "I do like that Jen," Joey said.

He made her come and she drew blood biting her hand to stay quiet.

Pacey crawled up her body, kissing her bare stomach. He rolled off her and laid next to her. He wiped his mouth. Then he said, "So you like Jen?"

"I was thinking about her just now," Joey said.

Pacey groaned. "Come on," he said. "I'm 15, and I know you're not going down on me again and then you say that."

"You have a hand," she said. "Let's make this 300th time I've watched you jerk off."

She turned on her side to watch him. "Well, now I don't want to," Pacey said. He pulled up his boxers. "You have not watched me masturbate 300 times. It's not even a 100, come on."

"Are you counting?" Joey forced herself to get up out of the bed. She cleaned herself up, went to the bathroom. Pacey went in after her.

She said, "Lock the door," as Pacey came back into the room.

"Done, done, done," Pacey said. "Also, I am not kidding, I think my English teacher was flirting with me last night at the video store. Today, she acts like I'm nothing."

"She realized you were 15?"

"She could tell last night," Pacey said. He spread out his books on her floor. "So Jen is approved for company?"

"If she's still willing to talk to us," Joey said. "I'm sure her grandmother and everyone else she met was happy to tell her we're both freaks and losers."

"Also, you told her everyone was going to say that," Pacey said.

"I don't like to lie," Joey said.

!

Jen did keep talking to them. She even braved Joey's house to hang out after school. Joey locked the door to her room after Jen came in. "Here's my room," Joey said.

"Are you planning to kill me, or do you always lock the door?"

"I can't think of a good reason to kill you, so it's probably the second," Joey said. "Actually, I always lock the door. Bessie spent most of a year just walking into my room without knocking, so I installed the lock. I leave it open when I'm not here, so she can search for birth control or drugs."

"Will you stop speaking to me if I ask a question?" Jen smiled as she sat down on the bed.

"We're not having sex, we've never had sex, we're both virgins, that's the truth," Joey said.

"But you've done stuff," Jen said. "When you say we're both virgins, you're being very technical. You've done everything but."

Joey shrugged. "Not everything."

"So not anal?" Jen smirked.

"God, no," Joey said. She laughed. "But thanks for actually asking."

"It's the main reason I'm hanging out with you, to get the true story," Jen said. She opened her backpack and took out her books and magazines. "Second question, do you ever wear make up? Because you're beautiful."

"Since you think I'm beautiful, therefore I should have put on lipstick?"

"I don't think you're beautiful, you are objectively gorgeous. Make up is fun to play with. It's like painting. Playing on an already good canvass is more fun. I bet you could wear some great colors. That's all," Jen said.

"Girly stuff," Joey said. "You know my best and only friend for the last two years never really thought much about make up."

"Now you have two friends and one of them does think about it," Jen said.

"Two whole friends," Joey said, oddly happy. "You know, you are hanging out with the town losers."

Jen shrugged. "You probably don't feel it, but I gather you two are only intermittently news or gossip. I mean, it's kind of static. They're weird, they have sex, maybe Joey's easy. You're more of a fallback story when there isn't other gossip to occupy the news."

"Good to know," Joey said. She sat down next to Jen. "Okay, show me some make-up, convince me to be a harlot."

Jen laughed again. "Yeah, that's what going to make you a harlot."

!

"I genuinely think she wanted to have sex with me," Pacey said. They were, for once, in his room.

"What every 36 year old woman wants, a 15 year old boy who shoots off at one lesbian joke," Joey said. She looked at him again. "Why didn't you?"

Pacey shrugged. He tugged on his shorts. He was a collection of nervous tics. She said, "Because you want your first to be me?"

He looked at a fascinating dust bunny on the floor as he nodded. She said, "That makes sense. Me, too. I want you to be my first."

He finally looked her in the eye again. He was smiling wide. "Really?"

"Yeah, of course. You're my best friend, dummy. We're symbiotic. Parasitic, even," she said. "We should totally do it. Then you can have sex with your teacher."

Pacey's face was comically confused. "So you want to have sex, but then we go off and do whatever?"

"Yeah," Joey said.

"Vaginal intercourse would not be the end of our friendship and the beginning of our romantic relationship," Pacey said, feeling his way through each word. "What if we like it? I assume we'll enjoy it. And maybe want to do it again."

"We do it when we do it," Joey said. "Look, I know it's confusing, I'm confused, too. But I know this part, I do want you to be my first. I don't want to hold you back from making new friends so we should get that over with. And even though I just said get it over with, I'm sure it will be a great experience. But we're best friends. That doesn't end. If we date, we might break up and then what do I do? What would you do?"

"Mostly, what would you do, though," Pacey said, rubbing her thigh. She felt chills. She talked a good talk, but she really could not survive without Pacey. She needed him.

She also, actually, she could admit to herself, she wanted to have sex with Pacey. Jen's fault, she thought. She had a friend, and she was being honest with herself. It was awful.

Pacey said, "Okay, I understand now. I'm not turning down sex, definitely not. When do you want to do it?"

"Hmm," Joey said. "Now is a bad idea, right?"

"Is it?" Pacey got up and walked out of his room. He came back six minutes later, closed the door, and locked it. "Gretchen left some condoms in her secret hiding place."

"So we're doing this now?" Joey took a deep breath and checked herself. She closed her eyes and tried to hear her mother. She wanted to do this. "We're doing this now. Right after you change the sheets."

She enjoyed it more than she thought she would. She had the impression it was always painful and awkward, but maybe because she and Pacey were already comfortable with each other. She'd already seen his embarrassing orgasm face. He actually did make her come.

They looked at each other after. They were both being very silent. Laden with meaning silent. Pacey said, "Do we need to talk? Should we talk? Are you ever going to talk?"

"You seem really talkative," Joey said, smiling. "That was good. I'm surprised. Assuming you and your teacher don't become exclusive, we should do it again sometime. But you're still my best friend, right?"

"Always," he said. He kissed her, a rare tender gesture she allowed.

"Does your teacher think you're a virgin?"

"She might suspect," he said. "I didn't say anything."

"I know," she said. She kissed him, an even more rare moment in their friendship. "Now go fuck your significantly older English teacher." Then they were both laughing.

!

Jen said, "You two are weird, I've decided. I'm not saying this in a judgmental way, but your relationship is weird."

"Friendship," Joey said. They were browsing Jen's make-up. "Friendship is a kind of relationship but since he's off having sex with you know who, I feel I should say friendship."

"That's weird, though," Jen said. "You think you don't have to be worried about losing what you have with Pacey if you just call it a friendship enough, but I can't believe you don't care that the guy who you've crossed every sexual border with is now doing that with someone else."

Joey shrugged. "You know, I'm starting to question this whole new friend thing."

"I just want you to be honest with yourself, because I'm worried you have a world of hurt coming your way," Jen said. "Both your ways. I like Pacey. I may be sitting in a glass house throwing stone shaped objects, but sex with someone that much older than you, a relationship? Not the healthiest idea."

"I definitely agree with you on that last one, and I said that to him," Joey said. She held up two lipsticks. "Should I do this one or this one?"

"That one," Jen said. Jen put bright red lipstick on and smacked her lips together. "Is he just hot for her?"

"I think she started it," Joey said. "Not much flirting comes Pacey Witter's way. So he's intrigued. He likes to think he's a rebel, you know, breaking the law! Breaking the law! So that's another enticement. Also, she listens. He really loves that. His family is kinda awful."

"You listen, you're hot," Jen said. "But you don't count because you two are friends."

"I count, I'm saying he likes having more than one person listen to him. Even two, or three." Joey looked at herself in the mirror in the dark lipstick. She thought it made her look sad. Or maybe she was sad but now she was sad with lips that popped.

Surprisingly, Jen was the one who told her Pacey had broken up with his teacher a week later. "Just because I ran into him five minutes after the break up, I bet he was heading over to your house to tell you," Jen said.

"I bet," Joey said. "I'd even lay a wager. Well, good for him." She bit at her lip and tasted lipstick. She preferred chapstick, but she liked the way she looked with a little make-up. She said, "Did he seem sad?"

"He seemed more frustrated," Jen said. "But you should go and find him because I am not relaying this to you. I'm sure he wants to tell you."

"First, though, are you really going on a date with Cliff?"

"He's endearing," Jen said. "He's charmingly small town-ly genuine, I like it. His simplicity balances nicely with you and Pacey's not simplicity."

"You mean complexity," Joey said. "We're complex."

"You make yourselves complex. I'm not complaining, I love being the sane one," Jen said. "Go find your friend." She said friend in a weird way but Joey wasn't going to push on that issue. Not at that moment.

She found Pacey at the dock, he loved watching the boats. He talked a lot about getting his own boat somehow. Joey figured there was as much chance of her getting into Harvard as Pacey getting his own boat, but sure, she thought, she could humor him. He humored her about Harvard.

"I hear you're single," Joey said.

"Yeah, she kept saying she was too old for me and I deserved better and I was like, okay, whatever. I have enough crazy females in my life," Pacey said. He didn't look at her, he looked at the boats on the dock. The nearest one was more like a yacht. People could live on that thing.

"Two was too many for you?"

"Jen's a little crazy. But also my mom," he said. "That's four, and I reduced it to three."

"So how was it, dating? I ask because Bessie keeps telling me I should," Joey said.

Pacey snorted. "It wasn't really dating. We didn't go anywhere, we just had sex in her house. So I have no reviews for you."

"You know, you're gonna find someone," Joey said.

"Am I?" Pacey looked at her full in the face. He was pretty sad, Jen didn't know him very well.

"You're marginally attractive, you've dipped your toe in the pool of women who aren't your loser friend, people will sense that," Joey said.

"You're not a loser," Pacey said. "I see you in your cute outfits and small bits of make-up, you don't want to be a loser."

"But I can't escape destiny," Joey said.

"That's not your destiny," Pacey said, taking her hand.

"Not yours either," she said, squeezing his hand. "If you have a condom on you, we can break into one of these yachts and have sex again."

Pacey laughed. He pulled her and brought their hands to his mouth, kissing the back of hers. "We can do it back at my place."

"Because no one will notice if I come into your house at, like, 9 pm," Joey said. She knew they wouldn't notice.

Pacey changed the sheets on his bed first, which made her wonder the last time he'd done that. He tried to kiss her once and she put her hand over his mouth, but otherwise it was once again extremely good sex. She cleaned up in his room and said, "Will Bessie send me to boarding school if I go home looking like this?"

"She can't afford boarding school, so, you look fine," Pacey said. He pulled her into his chest and kissed her neck before she could get away.

She ran her hand through his hair and said, "I just feel like kissing makes it more confusing than we already are, okay?"

"This is just you trying not to tell me I have bad breath," Pacey said.

"You know I'm not that nice to you," Joey said.

Bessie glared at her when Joey got home, but Joey ignored her and went straight to her room.

!

Devon was a senior who knew Cliff who was dating Jen and he found Joey by her locker and loomed. He was taller than Pacey and she hated that about him, instantly. Devon said, "I just wondered if you wanted to go out? Just a movie. You and me, Cliff and Jen so you feel more comfortable."

"I'm not going to have sex with you," Joey said.

Devon nodded his head. He said, "But would you come see a movie with me?"

"Why?"

"We have a class together, you know. We're taking art together. I like your art, I like how focused you are. Jen says you're funny, and it's obvious to everyone you're cute. I have no ulterior motive," Devon said.

Joey started to almost consider it. Devon said, "I have a tiny ulterior motive. My mom's black, but half these assholes can't tell so they talk like racist hicks right in front of me like I'm one of them. And the ones who find out, say slightly less racist shit to my face. Your sister is married to Bodie, who knew my older brother when he was in school, so I have this hope you're not an asshole."

"I'm not an asshole like *that*," Joey said. "We can see a movie. If you tell everyone tomorrow we had sex or something, I'll make you pay."

"I believe you," Devon said.

The movie was actually fun. Joey was kind of blown away. She refused to say she had fun, though, when Bessie asked her. Bessie was thrilled to see Joey dating, even a senior, if it wasn't Pacey.

"Jen," Joey said. "You'd tell me if you heard rumors about me or Devon or me and Devon, right?"

"I would, but I don't have to, not that are coming from Devon. Don't be so suspicious," Jen said. "He's nice. Half of Cliff's friends are idiots or jerks, I would never steer one of them towards you. But Devon asked me about you, and I said underneath all the bitter sarcasm is even more bitterness, but she'll make you laugh."

Joey grinned. "I admit that's an apt summation of my personality."

"It's not completely," Jen said. "You have some tiny soft edges."

"Soft edges is a contradiction, I think," Joey said. They were in Jen's room, studying. Jen's Grams always looked at Joey with this weird mix of pity and contempt, like she was painting a red S for slut on Joey's chest, but felt real bad about it.

"No, because there are sharp edges, so if you have to describe some edges as sharp, therefore edges can be soft."

"That sounds like a logic problem, are you taking philosophy or something?"

Jen said, "I'm sure you know they don't offer it here. I did take it back in New York."

"I would love to go to school that offered philosophy," Joey said.

"You wouldn't have loved my school," Jen said.

She had a second, solo date with Devon. He took her bowling and seemed happy that she almost beat him. She let him kiss her but that was all.

At midnight, she snuck out of her room and went to her and Pacey's bench. As if they were both psychic, Pacey was already waiting. He said, "I like your new date, he's a good guy."

"You've been dating, too," she said.

"Is that an accusation?"

"No," Joey said. "I want you to date. You just seem to date a lot of different girls."

"I've only had sex with two of them," Pacey said. "There are a lot fewer sluts in this school than I thought."

"They're sluts because they had sex with you on the first or second date? What does that make you, Pacey? Definitely sexist, and also a little bit of an asshole. Did you dump the other ones after they wouldn't put out? Is that who you are now?" She took a deep, ragged breath. She knew she was wrong but something about Pacey made her want to lash out.

"Shut up, Jo," Pacey said. They were both silent. He said, "I was making a joke. I've dated 3 girls. The two who wanted to have sex, initiated the sex. Frankly, I think both of them were using me for their own purposes which hurts my feelings, which I actually possess, and you know it. So fine, it was mean to say sluts. I should have said there are more girls in this school who want to make their ex-boyfriends or not so ex-boyfriends jealous than I thought."

"I shouldn't have been an asshole," Joey said. "I'm always an asshole."

"Not to me," Pacey said. "But that Devon guy is a nice guy."

"Thanks for the endorsement," Joey said.

"But we still better be able to hang out," Pacey said.

"Of course," Joey said.

!

It was three months and almost the end of the semester before Joey and Devon had sex. She'd made him wait, and not for very good reasons. She'd stopped having sex with Pacey after a month of dating Devon, so it wasn't that. Not really. Devon was too nice, that was the problem. He was happy to wait, he was respectful. It made her suspicious and cranky like he had to be faking it.

He wasn't faking anything.

She disliked admitting the truth and therefore she didn't. Pacey had fallen for the new girl who showed up in the second semester of their school year. He was actually in love with Andie. It hurt her feelings. She didn't think about it, she tried not to show it, but she knew it in her heart making her a total bitch. It was easy being friends with Andie, she was a sweetheart. She really liked hanging out with Jack, Andie's brother. It was like she had an actual group of friends.

But she hung out with Jen, she double-dated with Jen and Cliff and even once with Pacey and Andie. Devon liked everyone.

She really liked Devon. She just didn't love him.

Devon was good in bed, as much as she could tell having only had one previous sexual partner. "You always make me happy," she said, to him, laying on his bed.

"You make me happy, too," Devon said.

She coincidentally ran into Pacey as she was walking home. He was driving his dad's truck this time. "Get on in, Potter."

She smiled at him and put on her seatbelt.

"You finally did it with Devon," he said. "Good for you."

"You did it with Andie two months ago," she said.

"Are we competing?" He stopped the car. "Joey, stop being a jerk. I'm allowed to date other people."

"We never dated," Joey said. "Would you start the car? I don't want to be late."

He started the truck. She said, "I like Andie. I like that she makes you happy. I'm only a jerk about you and Andie dating when it's just the two of us, so almost never."

"Great, this is all about how we don't spend time together. You are dating someone, you know. The guy you just had sex with," Pacey said.

He sounded a little pissy. Joey tried not to smile. She said, "It was good sex, too."

"I would expect nothing less from such a strapping young man," Pacey said.

"He makes me happy," Joey said. "We should hang out more."

Pacey didn't reply.

The school year came to end, Pacey, Andie, and Joey all got As. Jack and Jen got Bs. Cliff graduated and went off to college in Texas. Devon had already decided to join the Army. He promised Joey he'd write and she was sure he meant to. She emailed him every week over the summer. He really did make her happy.

Except he was gone and now she and Jen were single. Pacey wasn't. Jen said, "You're just miserable about Andie and Pacey, aren't you?"

"Do I have to say it?" Joey frowned. "I don't like saying those sort of things out loud."

"Maybe it would help you to say it," Jen said.

"I don't think so," Joey said. "Maybe I'm genuinely miserable, with or without Pacey dating someone."

"You don't have to be," Jen said.

Joey had a snap answer ready to roll off her tongue but she thought about what Jen said and wondered if it was true. "Why are you so nice to me?"

"I like you," Jen said. "You're smart and prettier than me but you won't admit it. When we talk about things, you don't judge me like Grams."

"All those things are true about Jack," Joey said.

Jen laughed. "Especially the prettier part."

"I know," Joey said.

"I meant it, though," Jen said.

"Thank you," Joey said. "I should tell you that more often."

"God, yes," Jen said. "I'm fantastic."

Joey walked over to Pacey's house and knocked on his door. His mother answered and said, "Pacey's in his room, I think."

Joey rolled her eyes as she walked past Pacey's mother. Pacey was in his room, reading I Never Promised You A Rose Garden. "You could just watch the movie," Joey said.

Pacey looked up at her. The light was behind him and she couldn't tell his expression. "I wanted to read the actual book." His voice seemed neutral.

"It's summer, I wanted to see you more. And Andie, too. But you're my best friend, right?"

"Right," Pacey said. He sat up and put the book down. "My best friend Joey."

"You're still mad at me, which I acknowledge is completely deserved," Joey said.

"I'm not mad," Pacey said. "I'm just, I have stuff going on and I don't want to deal with you."

"I'm sorry," Joey said. She sat down next to him. He didn't move away so she had that going for her. "I want to hear your stuff going on. No judging. Or whatever." She nudged his knee. "You miss me. I can be a very good listener."

Pacey sighed. "Andie's mom is disturbed."

"I know," Joey said. "Jack told me. It's really sad. Their dad just left them to take care of her."

"Andie has problems, too," Pacey said.

"She hides them well," Joey said. "It's good she has you to lean on."

Pacey nudged her knee. "Look at you, being a friend."

Joey sighed. "Is she getting worse or something?"

"Yup," Pacey said. "Her dad convinced her to try an inpatient facility in Connecticut."

"When did she leave?"

"This morning, don't feel bad you didn't know," Pacey said. "Her dad convinced her because she was in really bad shape. I called him. Jack was pretty pissed at me."

"Dad McPhee didn't take the whole gay thing well, right?"

"He is not," Pacey said. He sighed this time.

"You did the right thing, Pacey. Because you loved her and you wanted her to be better," Joey said.

"I love her, Joey," Pacey said.

"I know, I was saying in the moment of that act, it was an act of love and genuine desire to make her feel better," Joey said. "I wasn't implying you weren't still in love with her. Of course you are. She's great."

"Did someone hit you on the head?" Pacey smiled at her. "You haven't been this nice to me since the first time we had sex."

"That was probably a bad idea," Joey said.

"It was pretty awesome, though," Pacey said. "Of the five people I've had sex with, you are in the top two."

"I'm better than Miss Jacobs and those two chicks you thought were using you? That's very sweet," Joey said.

She resolved to be a better friend. She should be someone her best friend could rely on. Doug was still dragging Pacey along on his weekend excursions so she started making requests again. Then they would sit on their bench and talk about what they read, like actual friends. Of course, Pacey without Andie was completely miserable but naturally, the big idiot thought he had to put on a good happy front so he was only miserable around Joey. She was safe, which was about the only thing that made up for pouty sullen Pacey.

She was so exasperated one afternoon she said, "If I gave you a blowjob, would you stop wallowing for at least ten minutes after?"

He actually laughed at her. He said, "I thought you'd decided, that we had decided that sort of thing strained our friendship." He did undo his belt though.

"I'll take the risk," Joey said. "You are totally broken up with Andie? I'm not some hussy."

"Okay, yes, we're totally broken up, she said she wanted me to stop emailing her so she could really recover and admitting that out loud is killing my semi stiffy here," Pacey said. He just leaned back.

"It's good to say it out loud," Joey said. She knelt in front of him and unbuttoned his jeans. She rubbed his soft dick through his boxers. She hadn't done this in a while, not since Devon. But it felt familiar and she never minded doing this for him. She kinda liked his dick. She was never saying any of this to him because it would go straight to his head.

She even swallowed. He said, "Ten minutes of good mood, right? I think I can manage that."

"Please," she said.

One blowjob didn't lead them into the path of awfulness and tension though it definitely improved Pacey's mood.

Joey did tell Jen. "Yeah, you were really taking one for the team there, Jo," Jen said. "You totally wanted to."

"Maybe," Joey said. "Probably. But I only did it once, so it's okay."

"Why is pining away the okay plan here? See, I don't get that," Jen said.

"You're not me," Joey said.

"I'm actually dating, not giving friendship blowjobs to the only boy I've ever really loved," Jen said.

"Friendship blowjobs sounds ridiculous," Joey said. "Who are you dating? Do they have a friend?" Joey smiled at her.

One of Jen's suitors did have a friend Jen didn't hate. His name was Chuck and he was tall and he was super nice. Unfortunately they ran into Jack and Pacey at the bowling alley, always a safe date place. "Your date is totally gay," Pacey said.

"I know," Joey said. "Do you think he knows?"

They both looked over at Chuck who was sitting close to Jack and positively glowing. Pacey said, "He might have figured it out now."

Joey said, "Great, Jen is batting .500. I wonder if she has any more friends for me to date?"

"I could have friends," Pacey said.

"I know you have friends, Witter, they're all the same friends as mine," Joey said. "Ugh, living in a small town sucks."

"I agree," Pacey said. "Hey, if you're so hyped on dating someone, I have a suggestion you'll hate."

"Don't even say it, Pacey," she said. She meant to walk away quickly but he was standing so close and he had those blue eyes. She said, "We will never date."

"Why is that such a horrible idea, Jo? What is so bad that will happen?" Pacey was truly evil since he was now touching her back.

"We'll break up and never speak to each other again," Joey said, her voice hysterical.

"That's definitely how you're treating Devon," Pacey said. "Come on, can you please chill on this idea that I would ever abandon you?"

"You say that now," Joey said.

"Why would we ever break up? It'd be like we are now, minus all the tension from you pining for me, me pining for you," Pacey said.

"You're not pining for me," Joey said. "You're in love with Andie."

"I was in love with you a lot longer," Pacey said. "I did, I do love Andie, but we're over. And if she'd wanted me to, I'd still be in contact with her. See?"

Joey said, "I'm not pining for you."

"You totally are," Pacey said.

"Life, Pacey, come on, life does not work like that. We're going to break up eventually. No one stays with their high school sweetheart forever. Especially no one ends up with the person they fall in love with when they're 13 or something," Joey said.

"Good thing you haven't been pining for me, then," Pacey said. "Also Devon and Andie are our high school sweethearts so therefore we've already not ended up with them. See?"

"You'll say anything to get into my pants," Joey said, stopping herself from smiling.

"Come out on a real date with me, tomorrow," Pacey said, he was now standing right behind her, holding her hips. He talked into her hair. She totally wasn't enjoying it.

"Fine, tomorrow," she said. "Stop feeling me up, I have to go make sure my date asks Jack out."

Because Joey now had actual friends, Jack insisted on coming over before her big date. Bessie had just looked at Joey like she was covered in slime, she would never like Pacey. "Shouldn't Jen be here?"

"Jen is dealing with Pacey," Jack said. "I have to thank you for introducing me to Chuck."

"I didn't really," Joey said. "You should thank Jen for telling him to ask me out."

"Can you believe she swore she didn't think he was gay?"

"She's such a bad liar," Joey said. She was already dressed. Pacey was just driving her to some mini-golf place and then they were going to eat at a diner, not so different from 100 times they'd hung out before. "What's the point of getting too fancy? Pacey's seen it all before."

"All of it," Jack said with a smirk. "And the point of dressing up is to separate this night from all other nights and days you've hung out together. Because this is not hanging out, this is a date."

"Okay, point," Joey said. She reached for her make-up, 50% of which Jen had shoplifted for her. She tried for a look. "You know nothing about make-up."

"I really don't. Maybe you would have been better off with Jen," Jack said. "But I bet she couldn't have given that you great pep talk I just did."

Joey rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Jen, she's not eloquent at all. Girl's downright monosyllabic."

"You'll be fine," Jack said. "Also, she told me I have to stay here and make sure you don't chicken out."

"Awesome," Joey said. "Where are you and Chuck going to go? He's not out at school, is he?"

They talked about Jack and Chuck's plans until it was time for Joey to head out. Bessie being Bessie, Joey was meeting Pacey a five minute walk from the house. Jack walked with her. "Do you think Bessie will ever like Pacey?"

"Never ever," Joey said. "I could be married to Pacey for twenty glorious happy years with four perfect children who always get As and Bessie would still be mentioning hot eligible guys I could be with instead."

"Do you have names picked out for those four perfect children?"

"Of course not," Joey said. "I'm not kidding." Jack was nearly giggling. She hit him in the shoulder. "I don't have names picked out."

Thankfully, Pacey arrived and Jack waved as he got into his car. Joey smiled nervously at Pacey. He looked nice. She said, "You look nice."

"You look beautiful," he said. "Are you going to get in the car?"

"Oh, yeah, of course," she said. She got in and put on her seatbelt. "Off we go, right?"

Pacey leaned over and said, "Seriously, you look gorgeous. You always look gorgeous. I've been waiting a long time to say that." Then he was holding her cheek and kissing her. Kissing was the one thing they almost never did since she was 14. She kissed him back, her hand on his wrist. She could feel his pulse racing.

She sat back. "We should at least go to a second location to make out, Bessie could come out here at any point with a frying pan or sawed off shotgun."

"And my dad would probably let her get away with it," Pacey said. He started driving.

"Come on, he would totally lock her up, think of how it would look," Joey said. "Sheriff's son killed by rampaging sister."

"That's not a great headline, you don't know why the sister part matters. Plus, it makes it sound like Gretchen killed me and she would never do that," Pacey said.

"Kerry might snap," Joey said.

"You're right on that one," Pacey said.

It was a good date. They had fun together and Joey let Pacey kiss her whenever he wanted which she had to admit she also enjoyed. She loved it.

She actually also really loved the end of the date when they had sex in the back of Witter Wagoneer.

"Which is exactly what Bessie expected," Jen said.

"I didn't tell her," Joey said, "But I think she suspected when I got home. She waited up just to glare at me."

"Don't name any of your four children after her," Jen said.

"Haha ha," Joey said. "I hate Jack."

They kept not breaking up. She was continually surprised about it.

The night before graduation, their high school graduation, she was in Pacey's bed, looking at him asleep. At least she knew Bessie would give her hell for staying the night with him even if she was valedictorian, she liked having some constants in her life.

"Hey, your staring is waking me up," Pacey muttered.

"I love the view up your nose," she said.

"Every part of me is super hot," Pacey said, his eyes still closed.

"I'm gonna list the parts of you that are not super hot, starting with the view up your nose."

"I'd rather sleep. I have to dodge Bessie and her pitchfork at the ceremony tomorrow, I need rest," Pacey said.

"You know what I don't say enough?"

"I love you, Pacey, you're an amazingly skilled and gifted lover with a way above average sized dick," Pacey said.

"I was going to say something nice," Joey said. "But apparently you don't want to hear it."

"I love you, Josephine Potter, having you in my life doesn't suck at all," Pacey said, eyes open and looking at her.

"Okay, good," Joey said. "I love you, too, by the way."


End file.
